2011

Photographs and memories...Christmas cards you've sent to me...all that I have are these, to remember you.

A year's come and gone and what's left are just memories of the times we've had...of the tears we've shed. I've taken a break from my usual poet mode and I've decided to be long winded as well as more nostalgic-esque in this December/Christmas blog entry.

Looking back on the year, it's been rather fun...at times painful, but on the whole, it's been rather fun(and downright horrible, but let's not go there). So, we've come to the point in life some of us optimists may come to describe as the "another beginning comes from some other beginning's end" metaphor. Back in my hardcore cynical days, I'd snort at this theory and, frankly, just go all out to prove that life is a never ending year after year struggle for survival.

Bear with me, dear readers(if there are any at all), I've been lax on my blog entries recently and I've gotta make up for it now...somehow. I've come to realise lately that age is really starting to jump on my back and hump the hell outta life...yes, I just used "hump", it's one of the privileges that comes with age - the ability to use kick ass grown up words and not worry about anybody telling you to 'watch your tongue, young man'. On the down side, everything I do seems to take longer and I don't do too well staying up long nights anymore...but don't we all face episodes like that every now and then?

There, I think three paragraphs and a header ought to repay my debt writ from neglecting this little blog.

Now, to the actual reason I'm writing this post. I'm gonna try sounding matured, sophisticated, deep and wise...maybe one at a time, or all at once...not sure how that will go, so let's find out.

2012. Some say the world ends then. I'm not sure if I should be glad and usher it in, or to be sad and disdainful for the stupid things we as humans have done to our world to have set this disaster in motion. Whatever said and done, I don't really regret my life thus far...nor would I like to prolong it unnecessarily. If it is indeed time to go, I know I'll leave here with a smile and hope we meet again in some other life on some other planet that God's kept in store.

All things considered, I'm glad 2011's coming to an end. Who knows what the future holds for us all...I most certainly don't, but I'm willing to embrace whatever God or life(or both of em at the same time) throws at me.

It's been fun writing in this blog of mine here. Thanks for sparing me your time...till we meet again, see ya.

Concealed...

September night,

I watched you put up a good fight.

As we walked side by side,

Feeling your sadness, I wanted to hug you tight.

I've seen the way you smile,

You've let me heard your laugh.

Hoping to be with you may be a fool's dream,

So, the memories of you will be more than enough.

You may never know,

How you make my heart go.

Nor will you see,

What you mean to me.

Perhaps you never will

And I'll keep dreaming still.

For just to bask in your company,

Will be my moment in eternity.

An angel you truly are.

I've seen the world over

And they all pale by far.

I now just dream; wishing you'll be my clover.

But reality beckons.

So I shall keep my hopes sealed,

Inside my heart where it reckons;

Concealed...

Forever...

Roads and rivers pass by me,
Lines and trees passing by thee.
Worlds apart we may all be,
Right now, it's you, me and her, three.

Days pass one at a time.
Slowly, the hourglass empties.
As what's left of life is put into rhyme,
And devoid of feelings are our sympathies.

Walking down this one way street,
I'm met with a church and a one armed bandit.
Try my luck or let Lord's company be mine treat?
Decisions, decisions...which should I give credit?

In the middle was a clearing, emitting light.
It shone the way, clear and bright.
At the end stood an angel, dark as night.
And Him, whispering in my ear telling me what's right.

Beckoning me towards Him, I walked.
Lead me astray, He will never.
But how much faith do i really have left?
Will it be enough to last forever?

Little Things...

Annoying and clingy, I find thee not.

The words I say, the things I do,

May hurt you, but I don't mean to besot.

For in this life, the only love I love, is you.

You think love may be big and hard to comprehend,

But I say, for you, there's nothing to contend.

It is, after all, the little things you do

That makes it all worth the while, it's true.

The way you laugh when you're happy,

The look in your eyes as you smile.

The way your hair falls on your face,

To your adorable speaking style.

Mornings when the sun rises over my horizon

I am reminded of your beauty and grace.

Nights when the stars adorn the moon,

It reminds me of your embrace.

So many things I could say,

So many things I could do.

It's never the big things that matter anyway

Because I love everything I see in you.

Love may be a big hurdle,

Love may not be all it sings,

But one thing I'm sure,

You're perfect because of these little things...

Song...

Can you sing a song for me?

To brighten my day and let me see.

How many songs would there be?

One for love, life and family, three.

Of all the songs written,

None I know describes you.

Of everyone's charms I've been smitten,

None came close to yours, it's true.

If every line in a poem makes a song,

Would it be of forgiveness or of disdain?

In this life we live, I guess we can't tell for long

Lies which cover up those we've slain.

A song, a song, a song.

Mine won't be very long.

All I have is your love and that's all I shall sing

For it's the strength you gave me to face any suffering.

If loving you, to them, is wrong,

I care not for it's our bond.

And we'll keep it strong

All in our song...

I love you too...

--------------------------------------

She had always liked him

But never truly knew why

He never talked to her

His friends had made her cry

She smiled at him in the hall

He just turned his head

He did not care about her

Is what he always said

But she kept her chin up

And she loved him still

Because she knew what was inside

A hole that she could fill

His friends soon caught word

Of her feelings toward him

They found it hysterical

But her love did not dim

She knew that she was better

Than what they thought she was

But still her heart was his

For reasons she knew not of

She slowly became more forlorn

Slipping deep into a hole

He was still ignoring her

Breaking her delicate soul

But her love did not falter

She always thought of him

But all the rumors about her

Put her closer to the brim

On the final day

His friends played a trick

Told her that he loved her

Just to watch her tick

Sadly she believed them

And she was overjoyed

Little did she know

That it was all a ploy

She went up to him

To make sure that he knew

That she knew how he felt

And that she loved him too

He did not understand

So all he did was stare

Telling her repeatedly

That he really did not care

She was finally over the edge

She knew it could not be true

I thought they said he loved her

But deep inside she knew

She could not comprehend

How to go on living her life

So she went in to the kitchen

Pulled out the sharpest knife

She screamed into the air

This is not how it should be

She screamed all the things

That she wished that he would see

She spoke of her love

She cried of her pain

She whispered of what happened

How it could never be the same

And with her last strength

She scribbled her final note

She explained everything

And this is what she wrote:

Take the shining knife,

And cut open my wrists

Watch the blood flow out

It couldve ended with a kiss

Take the bloody knife

Write words into my skin

Tell me that you hate me

Make the pain begin

Take the knife and hold it up

So that everyone can see

That this is the pain

You were always causing me

She watched the blood pour out

Collapsing on the floor

Little did she know

That he was at the door

He did not get an answer

As he screamed her name

He told her he was sorry

What he said was really lame

He did not want to give up

He wanted her to know

That he really did like her

Just did not let it show

He did not care about his friends

They were not his anymore

So please, wont you please

Just open the damn door

He walked to the window

Saw her lying there

He pounded on the glass

Crying in despair

He broke through the glass

And knelt down on the floor

Looking at the girl

He had always adored

Desperately calling for help

She was still alive

He tried to bandage wounds

Please God let her survive

He held her so close

As the ambulance drew near

I really do love you

He whispered in her ear.

Please dont give up

I'll try to help you through

We will make it work

You know I love you too.

--------------------------------------

A friend of mine showed it to me some time ago...it reminds me never to do that to her...

If...

If life ended tomorrow,
Would you worry about it today?
If all you had was sorrow,
Would you die in dismay?

If choices weren't made in hurry,
Would they have been any different?
If we're wrong, all we can say is sorry,
Then what of the belligerent?

If today was your last day,
What last words have you?
If you had your way,
Would this world be led the same way too?

Death, it's painful, it's hell.
Perhaps not to the dead,
But to us who knew them well.
Sigh, who can predict what lies ahead?

Take not those around you for granted,
Show them they're loved and appreciated.
In the end, life is his bait,
For death, we wait...

Starry night...

Starry, starry night.
Clear skies in sight.
Birds of freedom, take flight.
For all that may change, tonight.

Factories shall spit into the air we breathe,
Cars will roar and their drivers seethe.
Death might claim us with his mask and sanguine scythe,
There's nothing we can do but scream and writhe.

Will you make a stand?
Will you take my hand?
Let us rebuild this land,
With azure skies and clear sand.

Weariness

Life goes up, life goes down.

We may laugh, we may frown.

There'll be times we try to leave town,

But, one thing for certain, life'll turn you around.

Rolling down this highway, trees passing me by.

Paints a sight of never ending miles.

Thinking of life, I let out a sigh,

Sometimes, I do get envious of all those smiles.

Is happiness really that hard to obtain?

Is love really that unacceptable?

Is being in love a crime?

Is it wrong to like someone who makes you feel comfortable?

All these questions, all this pain.

Makes me wish I can let go of life;

To be washed away in God's rain.

To end all this strife.

It's getting tiresome,

The life led isn't one I want.

It's getting harder and bothersome.

Weariness dawns on me with its full grant.

Love, it's what I live for now.

Not that of parents, that doesn't exist anymore.

It's her love to me that gets me past this row.

Now, she's my life...and so much more.

Chance Choice...

A friend once told me "it's not what we are that defines us, but rather what we do to be what we are that defines us as a person". Believe it or not, we live in a world that's selfish, cold and cruel.

I was known as Officer Jansen of the Mississippi Police force. This story is a story of love, of selflessness and of sacrifice.

I was given a call one day at the office on the 17th of March 1993; the call came in from the local hospital. The nurse on the line told me that my then girlfriend had fainted in our apartment and had hit her head on the kitchen stove.

I hung up the phone and rushed straight to the hospital to inspect the extent of my girl's injuries. To my despair, the doctors told me that she had suffered severe blood loss due to the prolonged opening of her wound and that she would be in a coma for some time.

That night, when I returned home, I felt that emptiness that usually came with an empty heart...longing for a love that would never return. For those of you who do not know, my girl and I were dating in secret for the past seven years of our life. Her parents didn't want her to marry a guy whom she would have to stay up at night worrying whether or not he will return...or whether or not he will celebrate their child's birthday together.

In the end, the both of us eloped to Mississippi where we lived a happy life for almost four years now. It was just me, her, our kid - Aston, and our pet dog "Beagle". Although it wasn't a mansion that we lived in, we were contented with living in a little cottage by the sea.

A few weeks after my wife was checked into the hospital, the doctors there detected some anomalies in her blood and concurred that she had a problem in her liver...which meant that she needed a liver transplant.

Naturally, when she married me, it was against her parents' wishes and therefore, getting either of them to donate an organ for their outcast daughter was out of the question. So, I volunteered myself to be tested as a perspective organ donor.

The good news was, my liver was compatible with my wife's and that meant that I could let her live. But the bad news was - it would be at the cost of my life.

After all, we had promised each other..."to cherish and to hold, to love and honour, in sickness and in health, from this day on, till death do us part". What kind of man would I be if I just left her here to battle this by herself without helping her out.

It was on the morning of the 21st of June 1993 that I pulled my rookie along with me to the hospital to visit my wife. When we got there, I pulled my gun on one of my wife's attending doctor and fired a round into the air. This time I warned my rookie that I would kill the doctor if he didn't stop me.

Being the rookie he was, he actually ended up calling for SWAT backup just to disarm me. When the big guns arrived, I fired a shot into the air and gave them the same warning, all the while using the doctor as my shield.

After a thirty minute standoff, I decided to put an end to it. I whispered into the doctor's ear - "remember, use my liver for Elanore...and never tell her or my son what happened to me". After saying those words, I threw the doctor aside and rushed towards the sea of rifles aimed at me with my gun still in hand.

It didn't take long for the SWAT team to recognise that the doctor was out of harm's way and opened fire on me.

After all the smoke died down, I was looking down at my own body and I saw the doctor rushing towards me while two SWAT officers trying to restrain him.

In the end, my liver was transplanted to my wife and she now lives a fulfilling life with our son Aston.

Valentine...

Snow falls on the boulevard,

Saying goodbyes and handshakes.

Shouldn't be this hard,

Just one tear is all it takes.

There she goes,

On a journey to a new land.

Our love may be the only thing she knows,

To not be lost in its vast ocean of sand.

Whether it be in the west,

Or she go to the east.

The distance apart will be our test,

We shall overcome it and we shall feast.

Though great, the distance apart, our love shan't wane.

In the end, only our love shall shine divine.

Will you walk with me down this lonely lane,

Will you be my valentine...

Stardust

Twinkle, twinkle oh so bright.

Be mine star, be mine tonight.

Leave thine worries far from sight,

Come with me and everything will be alright.

Sitting here by the beach, thinking.

Feeling sorrow, remorse burden my heart.

Remembering your words, still sinking,

Pulling us ever further apart.

Remembering all we used to be,

Now, it's only me.

Wishing that someday, you'd see,

How much I long for thee.

Dark clouds gather above.

Heaven cries in pain.

For us and for our love.

For our efforts that were in vain.

What happens next, nobody knows,

It'll be a lesson learnt.

Whichever way the river now flows,

It'll keep me from being burnt.