Who She Will Be...

As he looks into the mirror someday,

He sees his past and remnants of sorrow; dismay.

Written on his face, clear as day,

Apprehension and words that no soul will say.

As he dons his tuxedo and grooms his hair,

He is reminded of how he always had her to do so.

But that was when she was still there.

Now, years passed since, but he still feels the blow.

He's fallen twice before.

He loves them still,

But they wanted him no more.

And left him without any will...

A guitar key chain clings tightly to his cellphone.

The last gift from his past lyrical lover.

A tiny fragment of his heart left beating still.

After they both told him "it's over".

He's still afraid to love,

Not willing to be hurt anymore.

But now he's to marry a dove.

And only she knows what's in store.

As the church bells ring,

And the choir begins to sing.

He hears an angel's warning,

And he sees the devil calling.

To cherish and to hold,

To protect and to love.

She would be the third girl he told,

That he would love from Sea to heaven above.

There she stands at the altar,

With face veiled and hands shaking nervously.

Surely neither will falter.

But neither him nor I am sure of who 'she' will be...

The Letter...

Pardon me, I'm lost and need a listener.

Someone who can listen to me without judging.

You see, I have to send my girl this letter.

But, I don't know if I still got her loving.

I've let her down, I fear.

She's always loved me and held me dear.

Yet, I couldn't do anything to stop her leavin',

Leaving me with a heart a-breakin'.

For a while, I couldn't breathe.

It was like my world came crashing down.

I was numbed by pain and writhe,

No sound came, and I wore a frown.

I should have stopped her from leaving.

I should have treated her better before she left.

I was blind, not knowing she was suffering.

Perhaps she's better off now, without worry of death.

I wonder how she is now, if she's alright.

I'd tell her I'm fine.

If only I could see her tonight,

I'd hug her tight, kiss her and make her mine.

Though I try to move on, with another.

Somehow, the emptiness remains.

The closeness we had once, now grown further.

And now I'm left with this pain and tear stains.

She looks rather like her, the eyes especially.

She has her laugh, her smile, her scent.

I try to move on, but I don't know if I'll be hers entirely.

Tell me what Love is, should it hurt to this extent?

I've been so lonely for so long, and now she's in my life.

To mend my broken heart and accompany me.

Though I know not of the future or if she will be my wife,

I can only hope that forever in love we will be.

I feel so guilty trying to forget her.

Sigh, I don't know what to do.

Yet, I can't live without the other.

I am kept awake by rue.

You see, I've written a letter for my girl.

To ask for her to forgive me, in case she hasn't.

To tell her I love another girl.

But I can't seem to find the postbox to heaven.

Farewell...

Grey streaked skies;

Sadness lined with pain.

Hidden by masks and lies,

Covering up every tear stain.

Handshakes all 'round,

Tears flowed freely towards ground.

As we hugged each other farewell without a sound,

And hoped each had a brighter future to be found.

She seemed happy today...

I'm glad to see she's moved on.

Perhaps a very long time from now, I'll say.

That my pain has fully gone.

But for now, I'll have to carry this broken heart.

With nowhere to seek asylum,

I don't know where to start.

To heal my pain from becoming numb...

I hope she finds happiness, wherever she may be.

I hope he treats her right.

I hope she doesn't remember me,

All the times we had and I hope he keeps her warm at night.

I'm sorry that I couldn't do more.

I'm sorry you had to suffer when you were with me.

I'm sorry, all I can do now is adore,

You from across this painful sea.

Perhaps I'll learn to forget you in time.

But my heart will never feel the same,

For anyone else, because you have tamed me.

And you alone are worth more to me than fame.

Farewell, my Valentine.

I've resorted to this wandering life of mine,

For I can't forget you and how you looked divine.

He is lucky to have you, a wife so fine.

Rain accompanies me,

As I cry for a love lost.

A strike of lightning may set me free,

Because death is the only price for love and I'll bear that cost...

...

The Script has got a few songs that really fit my mood lately...coincidence?

Sigh...

I am resigned to my fate.

Lord, do with me as you please.

For I have suffered at your mercy, of late.

So, end it all already and grant me release.

I haven't been able to sleep lately.

Perhaps these nightmares are getting worse.

Or is it because I miss her so madly,

That I have been damned with this curse?

Let's face it, I've had happier days.

We've held hands and more than that.

But these days, I find myself counting the ways,

To letting you go; so you won't be sad.

I love her, truly.

She's perfect, to me.

Yet, no matter how I love her deeply,

Fate has decided that we're never to be...

If I let her go now,

She may still be able to find happiness.

Although I may never love again; never know how.

In my heart she will stay and I will live in sadness.

Sigh, you'd be better off with someone who can give you more.

Though I really don't want to do this,

I have no choice, but to admire you from the shore.

As you journey with him to eternal bliss...

Maybes And Chances Gone By...

Ink smear as tears drip onto paper,
Leaving behind opportunities that would've been.
Casually discarding it into a shredder,
Removing all trace, preventing it from being seen...

Gone are the days when we would watch the sun rise.
Oh, how I long for them to return.
For me to be there sitting by your side in paradise,
And watch Nero play the fiddle while Rome would burn.

But, alas, only empty memories remain...
Of fires and treacherous rains.
Oh, we braved them all and fought the pain.
Now, we're over the ruins and pioneering plains.

Sometimes, in darkness, I cry myself to sleep.
Memories play in my head, of us...
I guess, our memories together are all I have left to keep.
Perhaps, perhaps...I'll paint them in every verse.

Rain's tapping on my window pane,
Telling me that heaven's cries will heal my pain.
So, I took a long walk in the heavy rain,
Hoping that it carries my tears to a nearby drain...

Innocence...

Strolling along in an old park,

Shrieks of joyous laughter of children's hearts.

Shine like sparklers in the blinding dark,

Such is the innocence that sets us all apart.

Sitting down on a bench to rest,

I smiled at a couple walking past.

Each carried a baby close to their chest,

Others walking hand in hand wishing their moments would last.

I see them all and I think of us...

Of how we were so happy together.

But they say we were not meant to be,

And leaving me would be better.

How did it get to this stage?

Is it wrong for us to be happy?

Would they rather we jumped this ledge?

But I promise you it won't just be a memory.

Everly Brothers - Crying In The Rain...

I'll never let you see,
The way my broken heart is hurtin' me.
I've got my pride and I know how to hide,
All my sorrow and pain.
I'll do my cryin' in the rain.

If I wait for cloudy skies,
You won't know the rain from the tears in my eyes,
You'll never know that I still love you so,
Though the heartaches remain,
I'll do my cryin' in the rain

Rain drops fallin' from heaven,
Could never wash away my misery.
But since we're not together,
I look for stormy weather,
To hide these tears I hope you'll never see.

Some day when my cryin's done,
I'm gonna wear a smile and walk in the sun.
I may be a fool but till then darling you'll,
Never see me complain,
I'll do my cryin' in the rain.

I'll do my cryin' in the rain,
I'll do my cryin' in the rain.

How does everybody live life so happily? I truly want to say that I'm happy...I'm not sad...I'm just fine, but I can't. I don't know what to feel anymore...should it be sadness, despair, or just plain pain?

Crying...

I know...it's not like me to shed tears, but thinking of how things are, right now, just...makes me wish it all would end.

What's it like to be in love? I see happy couples everywhere I look and they just remind me of how we were when we were still together. I really thought that we were in love...I really love her...maybe she feels the same way, maybe.

Everytime I see her, I'm happy, I'm carefree, I'm me...it's unexplainable, how I feel about her...when I'm with her, I want to make her happy, to see her smile everyday, to take care of her, to love her in every way, to be by her side during her darkest times, chase away her fears, wipe away her tears...and so much more.

But, alas, God seems to have other plans in mind for us. She'll be leaving for her foundation study soon and I'll stay behind to continue on to A-levels. Life is so uncertain...even as I write this, I don't know if I'll ever pass my secondary education...what more hope to enroll for A-levels...let's say that I do get in and I do complete my A-levels...what do I do after that? Perhaps I'll continue on to IMU which grants me three years education locally and, if I make the grade, two years overseas. Which means that I would spend approximately seven to eight years away from her...then with residency/internship/housemanship, I'll add an extra five to six years on my sentence...God, please tell me how I should go through those thirteen odd years without her by my side?

Lord, why do this to me?

Disappointment...

Dark clouds loom ahead,
As my life grows ever darker.
Many a rose lay dead,
As my will grow weaker.

It rained today,
As I cried away.
For a death that never may,
Fill mine beating heart with dismay.

When young, we would chase each other,
Around and around till we tire.
Now we're running races,
whose consequences are dire.

Lethargy, weariness...

Why is it that every point of my life is a disappointment to my parents? Let's face it ladies and gents, my parents have given up on me...I am, as they so gracefully put it, "A BLOODY MISTAKE". Seriously, I'm tired of trying to make them proud; I've been trying my best for the past ten years of my life...and not once did I ever see them smile at anything I've done. Be it receiving an award for winning something or even the time when I was appointed a head prefect nor when I was appointed head librarian...I don't know what to do anymore...I...give...up

Lord, if you do exist, tell me what I should do...you say that humans should always "honour thy parents"...so please, Lord, tell me, show me a sign of what I need to do to make them happy with me...

Tears are actually streaming down my eyes as I type this entry...perhaps I would make a good actor...but what good would that do? My parents will still think I'm a bloody waste of space and an effing mistake to boot!

Perhaps there is one way to end it after all...

Perhaps there is only one way to make them happy after all...

Untitled...

What can I say that hasn't been said before?
What can I do that hasn't yet been done?
What can I write that nobody will find a bore?
How can I prove that my love for you shines like the sun?

Perhaps I've never shown you enough care.
Perhaps I've never shown you enough appreciation.
Perhaps I was nowhere when you needed me there.
Please, give me a chance to redeem myself from this perdition.

Because of three words,
Because I believe you feel it too,
Because of how we braved swords,
I love you.

I know you're scared,
I know you're not ready to trust again,
I know you're tired,
But, one thing I know, my love for you will never wane.

So, take your time.
And as much of it as you need.
But when you're ready, give me a sign.
So that we can ride into endless sunsets on a white steed.

Beginnings...

I want you to know,
Lessons I've learned aplenty in this life. 
Of how I've been blind and made you suffer so.
Verily, I've had your heart over a knife,
Even when you were hurting, never did you show.
Yesterday, I thought of words to say.
Of how to describe you in a beautiful way, 
Unlike methods of Shakespeare or Thomas Gray.
...but, yet, I fear you won't accept me today.
Don't give up on us, please.
Every time I think of losing you, my heart hurts,
And I know I can't bear to lose you like this.
Rest assured, my dear for "I love you" aren't just only words.

A Story...

What am I, if not only human?
Am I not allowed to have flaws?
Or are you perfect beyond reason,
That your words have become my laws?

I help others, not expecting anything.
Yet I am insulted and cast aside,
By the very people I am helping.
But, I just take it in my stride.

What can I do to please you, father?
To you, I'm just a damn failure, aren't I?
I am sorry, I've let you down, mother.
For while I lived, all you could do was sigh.

Could you fulfill my last wish, dear sir?
If you should see my true love,
Please tell her.
That I'll watch and wait for her in the sky above.

Lights go out and I am on my way,
To face judgment and to pay.
For all my past sins and so, in hell shall I stay.
I'm sorry, I can't stay any longer...I died today.
------------------------------------------------

Lucifer has seen me already.
Good news dear, I can be with you now.
For he damned me to roam for eternity.
So, I'll spend my days with you just like we knew how.

I sit and wait for her outside her home today.
People looked in my direction, but stared right through.
Then she came and saw me, not knowing what to say.
She was scared and that filled my heart with rue.

We tried to hug each other, but she passed through me.
Upon this, her eyes widen with both our fears.
It was like she couldn't touch me, but only see.
This made both our eyes well up with tears.

So, I'll let you go,
Let you have your happiness.
For it saddens me to see you suffer so.
I'll just keep wandering in loneliness.
------------------------------------------------

Time has passed and has relieved her of the past pain.
Now, she has a family of her own.
A husband who loves her with love that will never wane.
I am there, keeping her company, so that she's never alone.

Though age has claimed part of her beauty,
She looks just as radiant as the day we met.
And now, as she lays on a hospital bed, smiling sweetly.
She tries to comfort her children but her eyes were, oh so sad.
------------------------------------------------

Now I see the light,
It welcomes me with its alluring charms.
But I am still bounded by this weight,
By chains that Lucifer has tied around my arms.

So I'll bid you farewell, my dear.
Know that I did as I promised.
I took care of you, and warded off your fears.
But now, you've gone and you'll be missed.

I now roam the earth in solitude and in despair.
Hoping to spend another lifetime with someone like you.
But never will I find anyone as fair.
Nor will I find love that's true...

Lethargy...

How many wishes are we allowed in this life?

If we could wish for time and wisdom,

Would there be wars and strife?

Or would we begin to embrace peace and freedom?

If men could see past their own pride,

Would we suffer this plight?

When we choose to fight for a side,

Would we still feel the same delight?

Someone once asked me, if love exists.

Guess what I told him, if you can.

Because towards love, we can't resist.

So, I told him if he found it, he should learn to bend.

To give and so you should receive.

For love works in mysterious ways.

So, have a clear heart and never deceive.

Then, and only then will you face happy days.

These days, I'm just wandering down an endless road.

One that has no end in sight nor resting place.

And every passing day, adds to my burdening load.

But I don't mind the weight, if just to be charmed by your grace.

Alas, those days are now my past.

How I wish to relive it over again.

And perhaps, just perhaps, make them last.

But all I can do is cry, in solitude, in pain...in this rain.

I long to say that I'm tired and cease to live.

But that would be admitting I'm a coward.

So I suffer, just as I did the day you chose to leave.

And try, in vain, to move forward.

In reality, we live in a cold, bleak world.

Its people would kill just to get ahead.

Also, in love and war, all is fair to get that ideal girl.

So, I'll just wait for the day that I lay dead.

Because of others' disdain,

I'm forced to accept the pain,

And keep quiet or be slain.

So, I'll just continue walking in the rain.

Time...

Dim flame flickers around a cozy room.

Casting shadows reminiscent of memories past.

Reminding me of how you chased away the gloom.

But never once did I make those fleeting moments last.

Watching those little shapes bring with them remorse.

Tears drip as I struggle to correct them...in vain.

Yet I try because I know how much pain I've caused.

I wish to take it all back and make you happy again.

You had to suffer because I was blinded by pettiness,

And for so long too.

You took it in your stride, even at the cost of your happiness.

You were there for me, in my despair and for that, I thank you.

I suppress the urge to turn back the hands of time.

To bring back our lost time together,

And to live my life again, just so you'd be mine.

Because in my dreams, it's only you and me, wherever.

What else can I do,

But write this down with hands shaken by rue.

Knowing that someone as special as you,

Deserves more than this; deserves someone true.

Know that it is you whom I love,

But didn't dare say it before.

Because you're special.

You're kind, patient and so much more.

Now the candle's dying and time's fading.

As the clock's hands trace my final hour,

I regret to leave you my dear.

But alas, God does not approve of our amour.

It is true, I owe you a debt of kind.

Dear friend of mine,

In death shall our love bind.

And I'll be your eternal valentine.

Seasons...

Flowers abound in March.
People around us would stare.
When we whispered sweet nothings and such.
But we pretended they weren't there.

Little birds sang their songs in June.
While we sat in that little park.
Listening to their sweet little tune.
While we kissed in the dark.

September browned its trees.
As we walked hand in hand,
Watching the leafs tickle about our knees.
And observed as our road bend.

Snow covered December,
Painted the ground white.
Black was the last dying ember.
Alas, covered by snow and out of sight.

Winter, Spring, Summer or Fall;
You gave me the reasons.
To stand tall, through it all.
And showed me the love to last through all seasons.

Death...

He died today.

I entered a room,
And no one would say.
What happened to whom,
And in what way.

Grief stricken people,
Greeted my sight.
Half eaten staple,
Left cold, by the side.

It seemed everyone was present.
From Emily to Dave,
To Lawrence and even Nickson.
The air was cold, as cold as grave.

Two brothers stood in a corner.
Whispered to each other in hushed tones.
About the last dinner,
And the end of poor Tom Jones.

An opened coffin laid ahead.
There she stood...and cried.
As the person she loved laid dead.
And a part of her died.

Rounding the coffin, I looked across.
She was still crying.
I felt her loss,
The loss of dying.

Cry not my lady,
For I shall always be,
With you for eternity,
Wishing that you'll stay happy.

I took one last sweeping glance at the room.
Sweeping over me,
Was a sudden surge of gloom,
For I shall be leaving thee.

Dust to dust and ashes to ashes.
Nobody knows what to say,
When life ends in minute flashes.
I died today...

Wishes...

Snow pats me on the back.
As I made my way,
Along the worn track,
I thought of words to say.

When I got there,
I looked for you,
But you were nowhere,
On that snowy avenue.

It was cold and I didn't feel too well.
Passing an old bistro, I looked in.
You seemed happy in there, I could tell.
Because I saw that you were laughing with him.

So I turned to walk away.
The snow turned into rain.
I'll be waiting for the day,
The end of this pain.

To him I shall say,
Take good care of her,
Cherish her in every way,
Never remind her of how we were.

For she loves you,
I know.
Whenever she's around you,
Her eyes start to glow.

I'll wish for her,
Happiness.
For his love to never veer,
And eternal bliss.

So, I bid you farewell,
Dear friend of mine.
In our memories I shall,
Remember you, my valentine.

Rain pats me on the back.
As I made my way,
Along the worn track,
I thought of her today.

Scents...

She sat in front of me on the bus this morning. Lingered about her was a scent. It was one that I was all too familiar with, but also a total stranger to.

Science has proven through research that certain scents have the power to bring back memories from days of yore, memories we'd least expect to remember and memories...I buried a long time ago.

This girl, I did not know her and she likewise, but there was something about the perfume she wore and...it reminded me of...her.

Tell me, is this your way of telling me that you are still here? Is this your way of letting me know that you've never given up on me and that you are watching over me?

Question upon question flooded my mind; questions to which no answers came.

Tell me, please, if you are indeed still around here somewhere...what am I to do? I can't just move on and let go of our past. I feel so...hopeless...so useless.

Sometimes, when I think back to all the happy moments we shared, it almost always seem to assuage my grief.

But I guess, in the end, that was God's way of making me pay for my ways. For not cherishing you enough.

And when I think of you now, I can't help but wonder if you still remember me or if I can still call you mine...I guess we'll never know

Since thoughts of thee doth banish grief,
when from thee I am gone;
will not thy presence yield relief,
to this sad Heart of mine:
Why doth thy presence me defeat,
with excellence divine?
Especially when I reflect
on auld long syne.

Be Well...

Rain stains, snowy windowpanes.
Rats roaming about alleys and drains.
Footsteps drifting down a lane.
Muffled by heavy rain.

As I sit and stare.
Looking blankly at emptiness.
Surrounding me is an air.
An air of loneliness.

Reminiscing of fond memories.
Of how we used to be.
Of how we had no worries.
But now, it's just me.

Sitting alone, in darkness.
In despair.
The night feels endless.
Breathing in the cold air.

Anguished and distant.
Ireful and cavalier.
How appearances change in an instant.
A cuirassier may just appear scragglier.

The clock is ticking.
Counting my final hour.
I shall be leaving.
And remembering our past amour.

Where we go from here.
Nobody can tell.
But I shall wish for you, my dear.
Be well...

Joshua Radin - Paperweight...

Been up all night staring at you
wondering what's on your mind
I've been this way with so many before
but this feels like the first time
you want the sunrise to go back to bed
I want to make you laugh
mess up my bed with me
kick off the covers I'm waiting
every word you say I think
I should write down
don't want to forget come daylight
happy to lay here
just happy to be here
I'm happy to know you
play me a song
your newest one
please leave your taste on my tongue
paperweight on my back
cover me like a blanket
mess up my bed with me
kick off the covers I'm waiting
every word you say I think
I should write down
don't want to forget come daylight
and no need to worry
that's wastin time
and no need to wonder
what's been on my mind
it's you
it's you
it's you
every word you say I think
I should write down
don't want to forget come daylight
and I give up
I let you win
you win cause I'm not counting
you made it back
to sleep again
wonder what you're dreaming...

Human Nature Is Predictable...

Let's play a little game. I hope you don't find me irritating for I will be giving my own comments throughout this and, if at any time you find it annoying and truly infuriating, you are free to leave. The rules are simple - give your honest answer to the two questions presented in this little 'quiz' and at the end of it, you shall find out how much of a human you truly are.

Now then, have you gotten everything down? If you do, GOOD! Let us begin. Don't worry, all you have to answer are either A or B.

1. If you were in a sinking ship which contains 399 live jackets and 401 people on board, would you - A) be a part of the 399 people with some hope of survival; or B) be one of the other 2 that goes down with the ship?

Go ahead, I know you want to answer B and paint a better picture for yourself, but when the time actually comes, you'll be shoving your way through the throngs of people just to get your hands on one of those jackets...which was what you were probably thinking when you saw the choices presented in this question. Well, bad news - you probably didn't notice the spelling error in "live jackets"; please note that they are not the same as life jackets and the 398 other people would most likely drown along with you because they were just as selfish.

Now we move on to question 2

2. If you were held at gun point and presented with two choices of - A) A remote is handed to you and you are asked to detonate a bomb that is planted in one of the busiest streets in New York; or B) You get shot and possibly die of said gun shot, but on the other hand, no bomb blows up and nobody else dies. Which will you choose?

Interesting isn't it? On one part of the equation you live while hundreds and maybe thousands lose their lives and loved ones; on the other part, you die and will never get to say how much you love your parents, siblings, et cetera. This time there are no spelling errors, no ships and no cool jackets that rockers wear during their live performances; just you, a remote to some deadly bomb and a chance to pay a visit to Lucifer.

Of course, I know you'd pick B...seeing how noble you must be, but will you still have the guts to pick the same choice when you're really staring down the barrel of a loaded Benelli Legacy?

Now, with all that's said and done, do you still want to continue?

If you want to know how much of a human you truly are I suggest you look at your friends and ask yourself - will you have the courage to die for them...for any one of them - like Jesus did for those he knew and all others whom he didn't, but loved anyway. Or will you hurl snide remarks about others behind their backs, insult them in their face, kick them when they're down, ostracise and humiliate them publicly and, the best of all, betray everyone you know just to get some worthless reward just like what Judas did unto Jesus?

A Puro Dolor...

Perdona si te estoy llamando en este momento
Pero me hacia falta escuchar de nuevo
Aunque sea un instante tu respiración

Disculpa se que estoy violando
Nuestro juramento
Sé que estás con alguien, que no es el momento
Pero hay algo urgente que decirte hoy

Estoy muriendo, muriendo por verte
Agonizando muy lento y muy fuerte

Vida, devuélveme mis fantasías
Mis ganas de vivir la vida
Devuélveme el aire...
Cariño mío, sin ti yo me siento vacío

Las tardes son un laberinto
Y las noches me saben
A puro dolor...

Quisiera decirte que hoy estoy de maravilla
Que no me ha afectado lo de tu partida
Pero con un dedo no se tapa el sol

Estoy muriendo, muriendo por verte
Agonizando muy lento y muy fuerte

Vida, devuélveme mis fantasías
Mis ganas de vivir la vida
Devuélveme el aire

Cariño mío, sin ti yo me siento vacío
Las tardes son un laberinto
Y las noches me saben
A puro dolor

Vida, devuélveme mis fantasías
Mis ganas de vivir la vida
Devuélveme el aire

Cariño mío, sin ti yo me siento vacío
Las tardes son un laberinto
Y las noches me saben
A puro dolor

Perdona si te estoy llamando en este momento, pero me hacia falta escuchar de nuevo, aunque sea un instante tu respiracion

Rain...

Drops of water falling freely from the endless firmament above. Each flash of lighting brought back memories of past long forgotten; every crashing thunder roared its vehement disapproval of what I've become...what I currently am.

So very fast indeed...time has passed almost in a blur. I can still recall those gay times spent in the curtilage when the welkin, clear and azure, rang with our squeals of joy; our carefree happiness...where have they gone?

A smile manages its way onto an impassive face; rain being comfort and shelter all at once...rather ironic isn't it? Armies scattered asunder by storms when all claim to brave it; mighty empires brought to their knees by the forces of nature herself and sports events were rained out, but don't clouds have silver linings? It is that lining that provides sanctuary even in the darkest of times.

The rain is over now and I'm jolted from quiescence by Helios willing the sol over darkened skies, illuminating paths and walkways...but how much brighter can it shine in a world this bleak?

Freedom...

Dust settles about a mist shrouded room as the clock strikes, chiming the glorious tunes of two in the afternoon. Everyone's in motion, gathering their belongings and rushing off for their respective appointments. Scrapes of rubber soles upon concrete floor reminiscent of a pack of birds taking flight.

Is it jubilation; is it fear or is it numbness that fills all our hearts? Causing us to be aloof and indifferent to how others feel.

Now, after all that's said and done,
are we really free? Can we truly say that it's all in the past?
It was a good run,
but what do we leave behind if not ash and dust?

...

Every day I try to see
the closeness that your promised me,
fades away,
it fades away.

Every night I try to dream
of what you wanted me to be,
in your life,
in your life.

Every dawn the light that wakes you up
will remind you of my touch.
that you miss so much.

What if i died tomorrow?
would you miss me here?
What if i cried tomorrow?
Would you shed your tears?

Every time you think about
the things you said
remind yourself im gone. ( im gone)

I hope you take this as a lesson learned.
Tomorrow isn't promised (nothing's promised.)

Every hour, every day gone by,
you'll cry for me,
you'll cry for me.

What if I died tomorrow?
would you miss me here?
What if I cried tomorrow?
Would you shead your tears?

A story's just been told that has happened yet.
Just a tragic foreshadowing
of what could happen to you.

Think before you speak,
it could be the last time ( the last time)
you ever speak to him.

What if I died tomorrow?
would you miss me here?
What if I cried tomorrow?
Would you shead your tears?

A story's just been told that has happened yet.
Just a tragic foreshadowing
of what could happen...

Don Henley & Bruce Hornsby - End of The Innocence...

Remember when the days were long
And rolled beneath a deep blue sky
Didn't have a care in the world
With mommy and daddy standing by
When happily ever after fails
And we've been poisoned by these fairy tales
The lawyers dwell on small details
Since daddy had to fly
But I know a place where we can go
Thats still untouched by man
Well sit and watch the clouds roll by
And the tall grass wave in the wind
You can lay your head back on the ground
And let your hair fall all around me
Offer up your best defense
But this is the end
This is the end of the innocence
O beautiful, for spacious skies
But now those skies are threatening
They're beating plowshares into swords
For this tired old man that we elected king
Armchair warriors often fail
And we've been poisoned by these fairy tales
The lawyers clean up all details
Since daddy had to lie
But I know a place where we can go
And was away this sin
Well sit and watch the clouds roll by
And the tall grass wave in the wind
Just lay your head back on the ground
And let your hair spill all around me
Offer up your best defense
But this is the end
This is the end of the innocence
Who knows how long this will last
Now we've come so far, so fast
But, somewhere back there in the dust
That same small town in each of us
I need to remember this
So baby give me just one kiss
And let me take a long last look
Before we say good bye
Just lay your head back on the ground
And let your hair fall all around me
Offer up your best defense
But this is the end
This is the end of the innocence

Why...

It's 9.40 P.M. I awoke with a start. Looking to the window above my bed, I saw an eagle perched upon a tree trunk...probably wouldn't have stayed long anyway.

Just like how seasons change, people change, friends come and go...mostly go. For a moment, I wished to be like the eagle; not just wished, yearned...desired to be the eagle. To be able to spread my wings and soar with my head above the clouds; not a care in the world.

But alas, sadly I can't. With a sigh, I got up...well, that didn't sound as dramatic as I'd hope for. "What a mess!" I thought, looking around my room in disbelieve. It's amazing how chaos can reign over in just a matter of seconds. Flashes of that gay day passed around me.

If I could turn back time, I would...I will. She has no idea how much pain and misery it's caused me all this while.

God. If you do exist, why? Why make me suffer? Why condemn me to hell? I never asked for things to turn out the way it did. Perhaps you think that things are better this way...perhaps...perhaps.

Jolted from my anguished dreams, I was kneeling...holding the very one thing that reminded me that she actually existed...but never appreciated. Spots soon appeared on the photograph.

Compunction flooded me and numbed all senses...drowning me

Splatters of Life...

These days, I view my life as an unfurling diary...or a memoir. It is true the saying that "you can never have the best of both worlds". Now, I'm starting to see the logic of it all. Basically, in our lives, we are governed by two things either - 'Avarice' or 'Human Nature'.

What is Avarice? Is it the same as megalomania? An upstart executive working in some big time firm; a parvenu...arriviste, if you may. How will the executive be treated? Will he be given due respect, recognition, support like the manager who handles other workers' salaries? No! The executive will be shunned aside, ostracised, alienated like the nouveau-riche he is perceived to be. So, it is only logical that humans will, with high regard, obsequiously serve and backstab others just to get into their employer's good graces. Why? Simple - Avarice.

However, when you take a closer look at 'Avarice', you'll find that it is also a part of 'Human Nature'. What is human nature? It is the reason behind why we even bother to betray each other, go out of our way to humiliate others, wish ill tidings towards our competitors and, perhaps, even going as far as to eliminate the competition. Can you actually disprove what I've just written? Can you say that everyone in this world is kind? Are you able to confidently say to my face that this world's inhabitants have never experienced war, poverty, hunger, dictatorship and burnt roti prata?

...

"This old man and me, were at the bar and we
Were having us some beers and swapping I don't cares"

"As for being patient, with fate and all, it's getting old.
And my mind is slowly changing
I'm calling all my oldest friends,
Saying 'sorry for this mess we're in,'
And I'm waiting, waiting
For the Sun to come and melt this snow,
wash away the pain, and give me back control, control."

"Open your eyes
And look outside
Find the reasons why
You've been rejected
Now you can't find
What you've left behind"

"I found her diary underneath a tree
And started reading about me
The words began to stick and tears to flow
Her meaning now was clear to see
The love she'd waited for was someone else not me"

"There's so many times I've let you down
So many times I've played around
I'll tell you now, they don't mean a thing"

"Do you believe in life after love?"

"Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven
Will it be the same
If I saw you in heaven
Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven"

"Talk about God and His mercy
Or if He really does exist
Why did He desert me in my hour of need
I truly am indeed Alone again, naturally"