New Year...

Sunny rays and windy breezes sweep across my face. Feeling all worries and apprehension fade away as I breathe in the cool salty air. Looking at my watch on the beach table to my right; time ticked by steadily - not fast enough to make you regret not enjoying every moment, but not slow enough to make you impatient.

In the distance, the sound of drums and merry singing seemed to beat a path to an unknown destination. Not too long ago, we were wishing each other a "Merry Christmas". Now, we'll be wishing each other a "Happy New Year" instead.

When I think about it, we will never be done wishing others in our lifetime. We have to wish teachers when we see them, may it be so simple as a "good morning, sir/ma'am". We will have to wish others at their weddings the wishing of "congratulations" or something else along those lines. And we too have to wish others at their funerals; sometimes in the form of "he/she will always be in our hearts", "he/she will not be forgotten" or even "you have our most sincere condolences".

That aside, I was brought back from my trance by the sounds of fireworks and my cellphone ringing. It was a message I'd received from...well, let's not talk about that.

The message wrote:

Christmas...

Christmas...doesn't really mean much to me anymore. After all, we're just celebrating the birth of a man whom we all collectively put on the cross anyway.

There were times when I laughed, times when I'd feel happy, times when I felt blessed, but that was a very long time ago. I don't think I'd be capable of those magical, mortal feelings anymore.

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The rise and, ultimately, the fall of empires are about the same all over. One kingdom feeling that it could be a great power in the world sets out for world dominance and at the pinnacle of their success, they become decadent and...well, one thing leads to another and soon, everyone's wondering "what in the world are these strange symbols I'm looking at?".

The date, 25^th of December, should be a joyous day for Christians the world over. Reason? Simple. How often is it that a savior is born?

He was sent by God himself...or as God himself anyway; to help mankind. But alas, we opposed him, we hurled insults at him, we did unspeakable, detestable, inhumane things to him...to belittle and insult him.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is what everyone considers humanity. Don't we all claim to be compassionate, kind, generous and all-loving? So, by the same token, we are all disrespecting, insulting and inhumane towards our government, decadent Sultans and useless Yang di-Pertuan Agong.

Can you see the pettiness of humans? We hurl snide asides, whip, torture, brutally assault and nail to a wooden cross the man who did nothing but teach others his beliefs and help men with the kindness and humanity that God had granted him. On the other hand, we bow our heads in respect, pay our monthly wages and give our unwavering loyalty to the people who claim to be our "Messiah" while condemning our only chance of salvation.

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So, what does Christmas mean anymore? Well, it's just a day...just like any other day, in fact. It has no special meaning nor significance anymore. 

Christmas, if you want to give it a meaning, is a time for remembrance.

Remembrance of a person who gave us all his life just because the idiots who were in charge of the Jews didn't have enough sense to see anything past corruption, tyranny and dictatorship.

But, I'd rather just remember how selfless and kind Christ was...

The Long & Winding Road...

As we traverse through life, we will surely come across some sort of obstacle, in one form or another. It is then that we wish we could have a place or sanctuary to retreat to and pay no heed to our worries and drown our sorrows.

A lone stranger walks down a narrow street in the heart of London. High above, like escorts, falcons hover. It has been rumoured that he came from some dark, distant, war-torn place. Only two things are fairly certain about this stranger. One, he is no stranger to battle and two, he has of a heart of stone.

Sidewalks echo footsteps of, what was once, uniformed marching of the 1st Infantry Division. Years of service to country and in the end all he received was a "Thank You, Sir!", his severance pay and a pat on the back from some paper pusher wearing a fake smile.

All his life he has seen violence, bloodshed and grief...it begs the question - which is more scarred? His body or his mind? Once in a while, his mind wanders off to that gay time in 1917 when The Big One was first formed and they were sent in to help the allied powers. His first sight was that of headless bodies and dismembered corpses...the perfect welcome scene isn't it?Nightmares soon haunted our soldier. Many a night he would awake in his bunk horrified by the images of those who he could not save. 

Down the street, our stranger enters a bar to drown his troubles. Not a day goes by that he doesn't wish to turn back time and make things right. Falcons outside take perch on roof tops and street lamps.

As the stranger downs his last glass, he makes for the entrance. Freyja marks him as he exits the bar. She does not forget those who escaped her.

The stranger was never to be seen after that day. Many fabricated their own myths and legends about him. Some say that you can still hear the sound of boots marching down as the sun sets.

But, I would much rather believe our stranger has gone to a sanctuary of his own...one that has neither limit nor bounds. 

I do not have the luxury of a perfect life, nor do I have the desire to see it through anymore...

Despair...

Ever felt like you were drowned in sorrow and helplessness so deep that you couldn't see or breathe or feel anymore? It's like your whole body just went numb, your mind freezes over and you just can't think properly anymore.

It all began with a flight...and so ended with a flight.

-----Departure-----

Staring out of the glass panels of Senai International Airport, a sense of apprehension clouded me...suffocating me. In a little less than an hour, I'll be boarding a plane to the city of cats. I stood up and decided to walk around for a bit. 

Time seemed to pass just like fog over the horizon. Then came the time to journey to a new island...one that I've seen before, but like all memories, they fade with time.

-----Arrival-----

The first few days were pleasant. Everyone held a jubilant air about them. It was all too easy to get intoxicated in the euphoria and exultation to come. Half the time, it was either too noisy or just too quiet. Then, when the time came, everyone got into the rhythm and set the mood just right.

Then again, how often is it that you get to see relatives that you'd normally meet up with once in half a decade? Being there just made it all seem like a long lost memory...being played over again after having been kept for aeons in the back of my mind. 

-----Mid-trip-----

Like flowers bloom from a little bud into a graceful, beautiful flower...the city changed significantly since I was last there.

Although some people never did change, those who did, really caught my attention; with their fluency in language, grace, elegance and charm.

-----Last day-----

This day was really fun...a few reasons actually. One, there were lessons to be learned and two, every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.

The lessons were learned during classes with a mango tree...a couple of badminton racquets and squash racquets too.

-----Airport-----

There we all were, bidding each other farewell and exchanging well wishes and hopes for the future. 

Then after all the good byes had been said, it then turned to solitary waiting for flight number AK 5847. 

Loneliness sets in and sadness eats away at whatever feelings there are left.

-----Home-----

Now I'm home...JB. But, I don't really feel like I've returned. I am but a prisoner here waiting for the day I'm set free...