Why...

It's 9.40 P.M. I awoke with a start. Looking to the window above my bed, I saw an eagle perched upon a tree trunk...probably wouldn't have stayed long anyway.

Just like how seasons change, people change, friends come and go...mostly go. For a moment, I wished to be like the eagle; not just wished, yearned...desired to be the eagle. To be able to spread my wings and soar with my head above the clouds; not a care in the world.

But alas, sadly I can't. With a sigh, I got up...well, that didn't sound as dramatic as I'd hope for. "What a mess!" I thought, looking around my room in disbelieve. It's amazing how chaos can reign over in just a matter of seconds. Flashes of that gay day passed around me.

If I could turn back time, I would...I will. She has no idea how much pain and misery it's caused me all this while.

God. If you do exist, why? Why make me suffer? Why condemn me to hell? I never asked for things to turn out the way it did. Perhaps you think that things are better this way...perhaps...perhaps.

Jolted from my anguished dreams, I was kneeling...holding the very one thing that reminded me that she actually existed...but never appreciated. Spots soon appeared on the photograph.

Compunction flooded me and numbed all senses...drowning me

Splatters of Life...

These days, I view my life as an unfurling diary...or a memoir. It is true the saying that "you can never have the best of both worlds". Now, I'm starting to see the logic of it all. Basically, in our lives, we are governed by two things either - 'Avarice' or 'Human Nature'.

What is Avarice? Is it the same as megalomania? An upstart executive working in some big time firm; a parvenu...arriviste, if you may. How will the executive be treated? Will he be given due respect, recognition, support like the manager who handles other workers' salaries? No! The executive will be shunned aside, ostracised, alienated like the nouveau-riche he is perceived to be. So, it is only logical that humans will, with high regard, obsequiously serve and backstab others just to get into their employer's good graces. Why? Simple - Avarice.

However, when you take a closer look at 'Avarice', you'll find that it is also a part of 'Human Nature'. What is human nature? It is the reason behind why we even bother to betray each other, go out of our way to humiliate others, wish ill tidings towards our competitors and, perhaps, even going as far as to eliminate the competition. Can you actually disprove what I've just written? Can you say that everyone in this world is kind? Are you able to confidently say to my face that this world's inhabitants have never experienced war, poverty, hunger, dictatorship and burnt roti prata?

...

"This old man and me, were at the bar and we
Were having us some beers and swapping I don't cares"

"As for being patient, with fate and all, it's getting old.
And my mind is slowly changing
I'm calling all my oldest friends,
Saying 'sorry for this mess we're in,'
And I'm waiting, waiting
For the Sun to come and melt this snow,
wash away the pain, and give me back control, control."

"Open your eyes
And look outside
Find the reasons why
You've been rejected
Now you can't find
What you've left behind"

"I found her diary underneath a tree
And started reading about me
The words began to stick and tears to flow
Her meaning now was clear to see
The love she'd waited for was someone else not me"

"There's so many times I've let you down
So many times I've played around
I'll tell you now, they don't mean a thing"

"Do you believe in life after love?"

"Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven
Will it be the same
If I saw you in heaven
Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven"

"Talk about God and His mercy
Or if He really does exist
Why did He desert me in my hour of need
I truly am indeed Alone again, naturally"