Innocence...

Strolling along in an old park,

Shrieks of joyous laughter of children's hearts.

Shine like sparklers in the blinding dark,

Such is the innocence that sets us all apart.

Sitting down on a bench to rest,

I smiled at a couple walking past.

Each carried a baby close to their chest,

Others walking hand in hand wishing their moments would last.

I see them all and I think of us...

Of how we were so happy together.

But they say we were not meant to be,

And leaving me would be better.

How did it get to this stage?

Is it wrong for us to be happy?

Would they rather we jumped this ledge?

But I promise you it won't just be a memory.

Everly Brothers - Crying In The Rain...

I'll never let you see,
The way my broken heart is hurtin' me.
I've got my pride and I know how to hide,
All my sorrow and pain.
I'll do my cryin' in the rain.

If I wait for cloudy skies,
You won't know the rain from the tears in my eyes,
You'll never know that I still love you so,
Though the heartaches remain,
I'll do my cryin' in the rain

Rain drops fallin' from heaven,
Could never wash away my misery.
But since we're not together,
I look for stormy weather,
To hide these tears I hope you'll never see.

Some day when my cryin's done,
I'm gonna wear a smile and walk in the sun.
I may be a fool but till then darling you'll,
Never see me complain,
I'll do my cryin' in the rain.

I'll do my cryin' in the rain,
I'll do my cryin' in the rain.

How does everybody live life so happily? I truly want to say that I'm happy...I'm not sad...I'm just fine, but I can't. I don't know what to feel anymore...should it be sadness, despair, or just plain pain?

Crying...

I know...it's not like me to shed tears, but thinking of how things are, right now, just...makes me wish it all would end.

What's it like to be in love? I see happy couples everywhere I look and they just remind me of how we were when we were still together. I really thought that we were in love...I really love her...maybe she feels the same way, maybe.

Everytime I see her, I'm happy, I'm carefree, I'm me...it's unexplainable, how I feel about her...when I'm with her, I want to make her happy, to see her smile everyday, to take care of her, to love her in every way, to be by her side during her darkest times, chase away her fears, wipe away her tears...and so much more.

But, alas, God seems to have other plans in mind for us. She'll be leaving for her foundation study soon and I'll stay behind to continue on to A-levels. Life is so uncertain...even as I write this, I don't know if I'll ever pass my secondary education...what more hope to enroll for A-levels...let's say that I do get in and I do complete my A-levels...what do I do after that? Perhaps I'll continue on to IMU which grants me three years education locally and, if I make the grade, two years overseas. Which means that I would spend approximately seven to eight years away from her...then with residency/internship/housemanship, I'll add an extra five to six years on my sentence...God, please tell me how I should go through those thirteen odd years without her by my side?

Lord, why do this to me?

Disappointment...

Dark clouds loom ahead,
As my life grows ever darker.
Many a rose lay dead,
As my will grow weaker.

It rained today,
As I cried away.
For a death that never may,
Fill mine beating heart with dismay.

When young, we would chase each other,
Around and around till we tire.
Now we're running races,
whose consequences are dire.

Lethargy, weariness...

Why is it that every point of my life is a disappointment to my parents? Let's face it ladies and gents, my parents have given up on me...I am, as they so gracefully put it, "A BLOODY MISTAKE". Seriously, I'm tired of trying to make them proud; I've been trying my best for the past ten years of my life...and not once did I ever see them smile at anything I've done. Be it receiving an award for winning something or even the time when I was appointed a head prefect nor when I was appointed head librarian...I don't know what to do anymore...I...give...up

Lord, if you do exist, tell me what I should do...you say that humans should always "honour thy parents"...so please, Lord, tell me, show me a sign of what I need to do to make them happy with me...

Tears are actually streaming down my eyes as I type this entry...perhaps I would make a good actor...but what good would that do? My parents will still think I'm a bloody waste of space and an effing mistake to boot!

Perhaps there is one way to end it after all...

Perhaps there is only one way to make them happy after all...