Cynicism

How does everybody live life so happily? I truly want to say that I'm happy...I'm not sad...I'm just fine, but I can't. I don't know what to feel anymore...should it be sadness, despair, or just plain pain?

Crying...

I know...it's not like me to shed tears, but thinking of how things are, right now, just...makes me wish it all would end.

What's it like to be in love? I see happy couples everywhere I look and they just remind me of how we were when we were still together. I really thought that we were in love...I really love her...maybe she feels the same way, maybe.

Everytime I see her, I'm happy, I'm carefree, I'm me...it's unexplainable, how I feel about her...when I'm with her, I want to make her happy, to see her smile everyday, to take care of her, to love her in every way, to be by her side during her darkest times, chase away her fears, wipe away her tears...and so much more.

But, alas, God seems to have other plans in mind for us. She'll be leaving for her foundation study soon and I'll stay behind to continue on to A-levels. Life is so uncertain...even as I write this, I don't know if I'll ever pass my secondary education...what more hope to enroll for A-levels...let's say that I do get in and I do complete my A-levels...what do I do after that? Perhaps I'll continue on to IMU which grants me three years education locally and, if I make the grade, two years overseas. Which means that I would spend approximately seven to eight years away from her...then with residency/internship/housemanship, I'll add an extra five to six years on my sentence...God, please tell me how I should go through those thirteen odd years without her by my side?

Lord, why do this to me?