Let's Talk...

Why do girls like 'talking' so damned much? It truly doesn't get anywhere. I'm wrong, you say?

Well, the following points are just some of the reasons why girls claim that 'talking' is beneficial.

·         SUPPORT

Hey there, I’m glad to see you’re still reading. This point here can be elaborated by any call made to tech support for as long as technology has been a part of our daily lives.

Think about it this way – you talk about the problems you face while someone else empathetically listens while providing no useful or constructive solutions for resolving any of your problems within a day or so, and I mean none whatsoever. Oh, before I forget, the same can be said for calling tech support.

·         TO FEEL LIKE SOMEONE CARES

Right about now, you might be starting to think that this point and the one before it seems directly related to one another and you might be right, if you were me. Yet, if you were me, you’d be dead wrong, as girls put it. As it so happens, this one(unlike the one before it) talks about the feeling you get, the empowerment, the camaraderie, the high you’d get when you know there’s someone standing in your corner fighting with you.

If you’ve read that and, like me, still can’t differentiate between this one and “SUPPORT”, welcome to the club. Let’s all just agree that there’s a significant difference and be done with it so as not to anger anyone lest I get an army hunting me down because I don’t have any support nor anyone who cares.

·         TO GET IT OUT OF YOUR SYSTEM

Heh. Hang on a minute while I laugh hysterically for no reason apart from the fact that someone who won’t let me get a word in edge-wise is telling me to talk and get it out of my system…that’ll be like me writing poems that don’t rhyme; it’s a rare occurrence and when it does happen, you’ll hope nobody notices it.

In all honesty, I can go on with this list, but it really won’t ever end…pretty much because even the girl who gave me this list of reasons hasn’t finished her list of reasons “WHY TALKING IS JUST SO GOSH DARN GOOD” in the first place.

Yet, I’m inclined, as I always am, to weigh in on why talking is just so gosh darn bad to begin with. So here we go!

Let’s start with the very act of talking itself. Oh good Lord, there’s just so many great things to be doing with your mouth, why waste it on talking? Start binge eating for one thing and you can think up more imaginative ways to use your mouth on your own.

Why, would I even want to tell my problems to anyone? Out of sheer desperation that there may be some sliver of hope that they would know the perfect solution for it? HOW MANY TIMES HAS THAT EVER HAPPENED IN YOUR LIFE??

Hell, if the people who surrounded you were all able to solve your problems just by you opening your mouth in the first place, you either have got some very(and I mean VERY) brilliant problem-solvers…or you have got such small problems that everyone is able to solve them with such impunity.

So, you still think that talking is great. Cool. Then I’ll tell you my problems, but wait, that means I’ll have to relive the whole damned ordeal again just so that you can hear my problems and, hold on once again, what if you can’t bloody fix the problem? I have just revisited one of the most heart-breaking memories of my life just to tell you how shitty my life is and you did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO HELP! In fact, you did the exact opposite, you made me feel worse about my own plight and just that much closer to reaching for my gun.

Still think that talking is great? Thought you might. So then we talk, but wait, you won’t let me finish because every fifth word will elicit some form of response or some form of bleeding interruption and why is that if I may be so bold? BECAUSE YOU ARE FORGETFUL and run the risk of forgetting what you wanted to say if you wait for me to finish my sentences. Isn’t that just wonderful. Not only are you disinterested in hearing what my problem was, you are effectively hindering me from getting it all out in the first place and, not only that, you’re also prolonging the time it takes for me to get through my story which LENGTHENS my suffering.

Still think that talking is awesome? Sure you do, you’re a human being. As if making me go through what is making me so sad wasn’t enough, as if making me suffer through as much of the excruciating pain that I was trying to find a solution to wasn’t enough, as if having wasted my time for talking and then you coming up with worse than zero solutions wasn’t enough; you who love talking WILL TALK to others about my problems. WHY? Thinking that those people you gossip to will have solutions?? NO! So, not only am I in pain, you put me in more pain and now you have given everyone something with which to judge me and ADD to my pain. Congratulations and well-fucking-done.

Then again, you’re most probably thinking I’m only some dumb, ignorant guy so what do I know about you females and who am I to weigh in on your most sacred of customs. Continue with your gossip-mongering and brilliant “Let’s Talk” sessions. The world is most certainly a better place now because of it.