...

Every day I try to see
the closeness that your promised me,
fades away,
it fades away.

Every night I try to dream
of what you wanted me to be,
in your life,
in your life.

Every dawn the light that wakes you up
will remind you of my touch.
that you miss so much.

What if i died tomorrow?
would you miss me here?
What if i cried tomorrow?
Would you shed your tears?

Every time you think about
the things you said
remind yourself im gone. ( im gone)

I hope you take this as a lesson learned.
Tomorrow isn't promised (nothing's promised.)

Every hour, every day gone by,
you'll cry for me,
you'll cry for me.

What if I died tomorrow?
would you miss me here?
What if I cried tomorrow?
Would you shead your tears?

A story's just been told that has happened yet.
Just a tragic foreshadowing
of what could happen to you.

Think before you speak,
it could be the last time ( the last time)
you ever speak to him.

What if I died tomorrow?
would you miss me here?
What if I cried tomorrow?
Would you shead your tears?

A story's just been told that has happened yet.
Just a tragic foreshadowing
of what could happen...

Don Henley & Bruce Hornsby - End of The Innocence...

Remember when the days were long
And rolled beneath a deep blue sky
Didn't have a care in the world
With mommy and daddy standing by
When happily ever after fails
And we've been poisoned by these fairy tales
The lawyers dwell on small details
Since daddy had to fly
But I know a place where we can go
Thats still untouched by man
Well sit and watch the clouds roll by
And the tall grass wave in the wind
You can lay your head back on the ground
And let your hair fall all around me
Offer up your best defense
But this is the end
This is the end of the innocence
O beautiful, for spacious skies
But now those skies are threatening
They're beating plowshares into swords
For this tired old man that we elected king
Armchair warriors often fail
And we've been poisoned by these fairy tales
The lawyers clean up all details
Since daddy had to lie
But I know a place where we can go
And was away this sin
Well sit and watch the clouds roll by
And the tall grass wave in the wind
Just lay your head back on the ground
And let your hair spill all around me
Offer up your best defense
But this is the end
This is the end of the innocence
Who knows how long this will last
Now we've come so far, so fast
But, somewhere back there in the dust
That same small town in each of us
I need to remember this
So baby give me just one kiss
And let me take a long last look
Before we say good bye
Just lay your head back on the ground
And let your hair fall all around me
Offer up your best defense
But this is the end
This is the end of the innocence

Why...

It's 9.40 P.M. I awoke with a start. Looking to the window above my bed, I saw an eagle perched upon a tree trunk...probably wouldn't have stayed long anyway.

Just like how seasons change, people change, friends come and go...mostly go. For a moment, I wished to be like the eagle; not just wished, yearned...desired to be the eagle. To be able to spread my wings and soar with my head above the clouds; not a care in the world.

But alas, sadly I can't. With a sigh, I got up...well, that didn't sound as dramatic as I'd hope for. "What a mess!" I thought, looking around my room in disbelieve. It's amazing how chaos can reign over in just a matter of seconds. Flashes of that gay day passed around me.

If I could turn back time, I would...I will. She has no idea how much pain and misery it's caused me all this while.

God. If you do exist, why? Why make me suffer? Why condemn me to hell? I never asked for things to turn out the way it did. Perhaps you think that things are better this way...perhaps...perhaps.

Jolted from my anguished dreams, I was kneeling...holding the very one thing that reminded me that she actually existed...but never appreciated. Spots soon appeared on the photograph.

Compunction flooded me and numbed all senses...drowning me

Splatters of Life...

These days, I view my life as an unfurling diary...or a memoir. It is true the saying that "you can never have the best of both worlds". Now, I'm starting to see the logic of it all. Basically, in our lives, we are governed by two things either - 'Avarice' or 'Human Nature'.

What is Avarice? Is it the same as megalomania? An upstart executive working in some big time firm; a parvenu...arriviste, if you may. How will the executive be treated? Will he be given due respect, recognition, support like the manager who handles other workers' salaries? No! The executive will be shunned aside, ostracised, alienated like the nouveau-riche he is perceived to be. So, it is only logical that humans will, with high regard, obsequiously serve and backstab others just to get into their employer's good graces. Why? Simple - Avarice.

However, when you take a closer look at 'Avarice', you'll find that it is also a part of 'Human Nature'. What is human nature? It is the reason behind why we even bother to betray each other, go out of our way to humiliate others, wish ill tidings towards our competitors and, perhaps, even going as far as to eliminate the competition. Can you actually disprove what I've just written? Can you say that everyone in this world is kind? Are you able to confidently say to my face that this world's inhabitants have never experienced war, poverty, hunger, dictatorship and burnt roti prata?

...

"This old man and me, were at the bar and we
Were having us some beers and swapping I don't cares"

"As for being patient, with fate and all, it's getting old.
And my mind is slowly changing
I'm calling all my oldest friends,
Saying 'sorry for this mess we're in,'
And I'm waiting, waiting
For the Sun to come and melt this snow,
wash away the pain, and give me back control, control."

"Open your eyes
And look outside
Find the reasons why
You've been rejected
Now you can't find
What you've left behind"

"I found her diary underneath a tree
And started reading about me
The words began to stick and tears to flow
Her meaning now was clear to see
The love she'd waited for was someone else not me"

"There's so many times I've let you down
So many times I've played around
I'll tell you now, they don't mean a thing"

"Do you believe in life after love?"

"Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven
Will it be the same
If I saw you in heaven
Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven"

"Talk about God and His mercy
Or if He really does exist
Why did He desert me in my hour of need
I truly am indeed Alone again, naturally"

New Year...

Sunny rays and windy breezes sweep across my face. Feeling all worries and apprehension fade away as I breathe in the cool salty air. Looking at my watch on the beach table to my right; time ticked by steadily - not fast enough to make you regret not enjoying every moment, but not slow enough to make you impatient.

In the distance, the sound of drums and merry singing seemed to beat a path to an unknown destination. Not too long ago, we were wishing each other a "Merry Christmas". Now, we'll be wishing each other a "Happy New Year" instead.

When I think about it, we will never be done wishing others in our lifetime. We have to wish teachers when we see them, may it be so simple as a "good morning, sir/ma'am". We will have to wish others at their weddings the wishing of "congratulations" or something else along those lines. And we too have to wish others at their funerals; sometimes in the form of "he/she will always be in our hearts", "he/she will not be forgotten" or even "you have our most sincere condolences".

That aside, I was brought back from my trance by the sounds of fireworks and my cellphone ringing. It was a message I'd received from...well, let's not talk about that.

The message wrote:

Christmas...

Christmas...doesn't really mean much to me anymore. After all, we're just celebrating the birth of a man whom we all collectively put on the cross anyway.

There were times when I laughed, times when I'd feel happy, times when I felt blessed, but that was a very long time ago. I don't think I'd be capable of those magical, mortal feelings anymore.

___________________________________________________________________

The rise and, ultimately, the fall of empires are about the same all over. One kingdom feeling that it could be a great power in the world sets out for world dominance and at the pinnacle of their success, they become decadent and...well, one thing leads to another and soon, everyone's wondering "what in the world are these strange symbols I'm looking at?".

The date, 25^th of December, should be a joyous day for Christians the world over. Reason? Simple. How often is it that a savior is born?

He was sent by God himself...or as God himself anyway; to help mankind. But alas, we opposed him, we hurled insults at him, we did unspeakable, detestable, inhumane things to him...to belittle and insult him.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is what everyone considers humanity. Don't we all claim to be compassionate, kind, generous and all-loving? So, by the same token, we are all disrespecting, insulting and inhumane towards our government, decadent Sultans and useless Yang di-Pertuan Agong.

Can you see the pettiness of humans? We hurl snide asides, whip, torture, brutally assault and nail to a wooden cross the man who did nothing but teach others his beliefs and help men with the kindness and humanity that God had granted him. On the other hand, we bow our heads in respect, pay our monthly wages and give our unwavering loyalty to the people who claim to be our "Messiah" while condemning our only chance of salvation.

___________________________________________________________________

So, what does Christmas mean anymore? Well, it's just a day...just like any other day, in fact. It has no special meaning nor significance anymore. 

Christmas, if you want to give it a meaning, is a time for remembrance.

Remembrance of a person who gave us all his life just because the idiots who were in charge of the Jews didn't have enough sense to see anything past corruption, tyranny and dictatorship.

But, I'd rather just remember how selfless and kind Christ was...